PETRIĆ: 'Faced with the conflicts, Bekim would say, "Can it be that there's a war again and THAT HUMANITY HAS LEARNT NOTHING?"

"When Blistavo i Strašno (Brilliant and Horrible) was published, Bekim didn't want any promotions. He only did one interview, and there was a story on TV B92, which is how his rendition of the poem 'A Man Sings After the War' was saved. He wouldn’t have accepted any conversations now either. Unlike him, here I am, talking. He used to tell me to keep my cheer and my worldview so, dear Bekim, this is why I'm talking about the book."

In addition to the book, Branka Petrić talked about the years she spent married to the famous actor, remembered by the domestic and international audiences by the magnificent roles he played in I Even Met Happy Gypsies, Special Education, The Adventurers, and many more.

Petrić opened the conversation by saying that she was really glad that Fehmiu's autobiography was published again, this time by Laguna.

Bekim Fehmiu himself said that the two volumes of his book were the most important, beautiful, and significant thing that he had ever done in his life.

"Life is a question of taste. That's how I finish the story of Bekim and me in the famous production of the Yugoslavian Drama Theatre, Born in YU. Why the sentence from Wedekind's play Spring Awakening? The protagonist says it before committing suicide. The sentence became clear to me after Bekim's act of leaving this world. He had retired from public life much earlier.

"His being could no longer stand the horrible anti-Albanian propaganda. He found it hard to witness the implosion of all that he thought was sacred and noble, and what had a mission to make the world a better and more beautiful place. He retired and later stopped his international career as well. The last thing he was supposed to film was Death and the Dervish, an Italian production, but he declined it, and it was all over. In his role as Homer's Ulysses, when the one-eyed giant eats several of his friends and then asks him, 'Who are you?', he replies, 'I'm no one.' Bekim would sometimes say that he was no one. And what did he mean by 'no one'? 'I'm not interested in this world, as it is now and as it fails to learn anything and change for the better.' But, he wrote the Brilliant and Horrible volumes, which he said was the most important thing that he had done in his life. Being in the arts, the most important thing – sadly, less so in theatre than in film, television, and literature – is what remains valuable when sifted through the sieve of time."

How was Brilliant and Horrible written?

"He put in a great effort writing the book. He started writing it in the 1980s. I'd always be writing something, but he never had. All of a sudden, I saw him sitting in an armchair, an easel on his lap, writing. Before that, he had completed his painting phase, which he'd been fully committed to – he would always go the extra mile in everything he did – and he'd even been commended by visual arts critics. When I read what he'd written, I told him that he had to keep writing. I was always his first reader, and I liked it and found it fresh. Although we'd spent so many years together, I discovered something new.

"His book is a monument that he erected to honour Prizren, which he describes in all its beauty. But, more than Prizren, it is a monument to his family and, above all, his mother, who had eight children to raise alone, did so, and ensured they all received university education."

How did he make the decision to retire from the domestic scene and public life in the late 1980s?

"He found it hard to retire from the domestic scene. It was in 1987 or 1988. After he decided, it felt like someone had died – there were seven days of silence in our home. Silence spoke louder than words. He was barely 60, with the best character roles still ahead… And all of a sudden, it was all gone. I know how healing theatre is, and how wonderful it is to be working and exploring… And to think what he could have played on the international scene… You know, it felt like a full U-turn, a new sort of life starting. And he was one of those people who never go back on their own decisions.

"Afterwards, he only appeared inTristan and Isolde in 1992. It was an Italian production. And then he said, 'That's it, I'm not interested in the international career either, or anything else… It's all terrible, I don't want to work anymore.' He would show up in public waiting for me after my performances. He went to the theatre, attended dress rehearsals, but never the premieres. After many years, when I was cast in a TV show, the writer approached me, saying that there was a character in the show who'd be my boyfriend, and that it would be lovely if Bekim played him. I went home and told him that, and he said, 'Branka, no comment there.' "

Is it true that until his dying day he told you, "Sit opposite me, I want to look at you"?

"That's correct. It's true. I said that when he was still alive. Sometimes I'd say that I didn't have time, and he'd go, 'No, no, sit opposite me…' I would, and then I'd be a bit flirtatious. I never missed an opportunity to compliment him, and he didn't either. I think that's really important because, you know, time goes by, we change, years march on… Love, understanding, and support must remain. You must become best friends with your partner… If that isn't there, then nothing else matters."

Did you understand his decision to commit suicide and so leave this world on 15 June 2010?

"It wasn't really surprising. During the 1990s, when all those horrible things were happening, you'd be sitting in your armchair watching… Helpless to do anything, and you knew that nothing was alright… It was difficult to bear. Some people do what Jan Palach did, who set himself on fire when the invasion of Czechoslovakia started. There are people who have killed themselves for an idea… He spoke about that sometimes, and even considered it… On the other hand, the way he lived his life and saw the world around him is perhaps best illustrated by quoting Seneca in his book: 'Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.' He had himself in his own power. When he thought he should, he went ahead and did it. Many people would do it, but it takes courage."

He left a suicide note.

"Yes, it was a very well-arranged moment of departure. Making sure it was all clear, being mindful of the act's own aesthetic… It was a supreme aesthetic of departure. When it happens, many people have the need to tell you about their own cases. That's how I got to know about many cases. A friend told me, 'My dad shot himself in the face.' It's a terrible image… With Bekim, it was a small scar on his temple, his face calm and beautiful."

His ashes were scattered in the Prizren Bistrica. Is that what he wanted?

"Yes. We had talked about it long before. My children know – my ashes will be scattered in the sea, his were scattered in the Bistrica. Every river flows into the sea, so we shall meet again."

You remain cheerful despite everything.

"I got the cheerfulness and optimism – having only good thoughts – from my mom … Perhaps it helped me understand how to deal with the hardest situations in life. No one is spared the torment and pain… You know what the Nobel laurate Singer says – we must survive life. You should seek much from yourself, but take what life allows and gives you."

Lastly, there is a war going on in the world again. Bekim Fehmiu would probably find it difficult to bear.

"Bekim would find all of this hard to bear. Faced with these conflicts, he'd jump up and say, ' Can it be that there's a war again and that humanity has learnt nothing?' There isn't a thinking person who doesn't wonder why it is that the world doesn't learn from recent events. We can see a terrible war being waged, with people dying, with refugees again… How can those leaders not leave their egos behind? Just imagine a leader of a great nation standing in front of his people and saying, 'Well, I don't care I'm not the strongest around anymore, I want to take good care of my people.' "

Kurir.rs/ Boban Karović

Bonus video: