PSYCHIATRIST DANILO PEŠIĆ AFTER MASSACRE: ‘Routine and bonding against fear, RED FLAG if child HAS PROBLEM more than TWO WEEKS’

society

The knock-on effect of the first massacre that took place at the Vladislav Ribnikar Elementary School is the second massacre near Mladenovac. This frightens adults and children – they are afraid of being outside and fear that a psychopath might jump out in front of them.

“The Werther Effect has been well-known for a long time – after the publication of Goethe’s book The Sorrows of Young Werther, in which a young man commits suicide because of unrequited love, there was a series of suicides. In addition, the copycat phenomenon – copying crimes, is also an identification with a sort of ‘fame’ and ‘power’ that the perpetrator of the first crime got. What is key there is how the media report on this and the adherence to the 3S rule – stop speculation and sensationalism, especially the sensationalism in the headlines. But we must first and foremost bring back the trust in people, and then in the system and the state. People should trust that the world is essentially a good place, even though bad things do happen.”

A child (13) killed children, a young man (21) opened fire on everyone, and the world is a good place? What do such criminals have in common, and do they necessarily have a diagnosis?

“Research has shown that approximately 10 percent of them have mental problems, and that various other factors contribute to such a situation. It’s always a mixture of four concentric circles – genetics and personality traits, the family environment, school, and the society at large. Each part affects the others, and this is why it is all complex and has no single cause. Starting from whether the person in question is, for instance, extraverted and will be openly aggressive right from the start, or introverted and more likely to experience cumulative traumatization and then explode.”

Like the boy killer from the school?

“It appears to be so, but we cannot be certain because they are all speculations.”

The boy carried out the killings precisely like in a video game. Are parents’ control and a government ban necessary?

“The games and the virtual world should certainly be restricted, primarily because adolescents have no sense of control and good measure. But not everything lies in bans and punishments. The idea is to have a culture of understanding adolescents and conversation: Why does someone escape into the virtual world and computer games? What is disconcerting is the increased rate of non-chemical, i.e. behavioural addictions, especially of internet and computer game addictions. More and more children are being treated for these, starting from 12 years of age in this country. What is important to know is that the prefrontal part of the brain is not mature in adolescents, which is why they often have difficulties with self-control. Even if you tell them, “Wait and you will get a greater reward,” it’s no use. They want everything now. And sometimes they are unable to imagine the consequences of some actions, even if they have planned them. They also think death is not the end.”

Do computer games with multiple lives stir up the idea that death is not the end?

“Computer games do contribute, but in and of themselves, they cannot be the cause of a certain behaviour. We have already mentioned and always talk about a network of causes. I recommend to parents the books The Politically Incorrect Guide to Teenagers: Before Your Teenagers Drive You Crazy by Nigel Latta and Working with Anger and Young People by Nick Luxmoore as a source of help in understanding their children.”

Is there a way to see that certain children will become killers?

“No, there is no single marker. It’s always a sort of process. This is why parents must communicate with their children, make an effort to develop trust, and gently follow and monitor them.”

What does gentle monitoring mean?

“There’s no recipe, parenthood is hard and needs to be learnt. On the one hand, you must find the fine balance between trusting your children and not entering their personal space, and subtly monitoring what they do, on the other.”

What is an indication that something is wrong?

“If a child has problems socializing with his or her peers, has lower grades at school, trouble sleeping or eating, or pains. Socialization and peer groups are extremely important. To an adolescent, the peer group is the same as a mother to a small child. Self-confidence is directly correlated with good relationships with peers. Parents should find a way to monitor, but not aggressively interfere. They should certainly react when red flags show up – a change in the daily routine, lower grades at school, trouble sleeping that lasts longer than two weeks. Family is also very important.”

And has lost a lot of authority?

“The problem is not children’s freedoms and rights, which are indisputable – what is possible is a loss of a healthy and sound asymmetry in the parent-child relationship. That relationship should be on equal terms in the sense that everyone’s word is respected and that everyone can speak freely. But a parent is still an authority figure, and equality does not mean removing the difference between a parent and the child. School comes after the family in the set of concentric circles. Our schools have preventive programmes, and teachers go through various educational programmes as well. However, it’s not enough to only have procedures and programmes. We sometimes get stuck in procedures. What must be developed is also a sustainable culture of institutions and institutional cooperation, and we need to have people who truly want and like to work with youngsters, who have an in-depth understanding of them, and who don’t just follow procedures. What we need is a thoughtful approach, a focus on students, and intersectoral cooperation, which is very hard work. If a school has a problem, they call a healthcare institution, which then comes back with information for the school, and this must start working, which requires more experts for young people.”

Is it necessary to sound the alarm bells for the smallest things?

“No, but in such situations it is perhaps better to sound a false alarm than to say that it doesn’t matter. But certainly not for the smallest things, which is impossible at any rate. The institutions have now become involved, so I believe that we will get out of this horrific situation soon, that we will learn something, and, crucially, that we will apply it in the long haul.”

The boy planned the massacre for a month. The plan of the crime was found on his desk. Should every parent control their child’s desk?

“They should talk more with their children. The desk won’t reveal secrets to us, but the child will. There must always be a message in the family that says, “Whatever you feel or do, you can tell me,” rather than the fear of punishment. Children must know that they will always receive a sort of understanding, and then they will sooner talk than be silent. If this idea is always encouraged, even occasional breaches of trust cannot result in children being completely neglected; rather, the trust will keep being renewed. Violent methods – control, going through cell phones, asking for urine samples in order to do a drug test – lead us into the dangerous area of losing trust. However, in certain situations, parents must resort to a tougher measure if the sound alarms are set off.”

So, it is impossible not to see that something is happening to a child?

“If there is an emotional bond with the child, you will see small, subtle signals, and that’s when you start to talk and, if necessary, seek the help of an expert, the school psychologist and the family GP for starters.”

Where and what is the punishment?

“The punishment shouldn’t be the parents’ revenge, or anger and helplessness, but an educational measure aimed solely at children’s behaviour that isn’t good for them or for other people. With adolescents, it’s important to start from the assumption that boundaries are broken by the nature of things. They want to have boundaries set, but they also want to break them. It isn’t the case that a parent sets a rule, and that’s it. Boundaries must be clear, sufficiently strong, and not rigid but flexible. You must agree things. But parents must also keep questioning what they are doing, thinking about where they are making mistakes, and always learning.”

Kurir.rs/Jelena S. Spasić